Ensuring our children have access to us whenever they need us should be a priority, but, given their age and how the world is leaning towards technology, you would think twice before buying them their own phones. My well-intentioned decision to keep my kids away from cell-phones as long as possible back-fired when the school told my kid to stop calling me from school's phone. The same school who has strict policies against using cell-phones and smart watches at school.
The Incident
My child, who attends a local school, would call me once a day at the end of school to let me know when to pick him up. We decided it was a better approach since sometimes he stays for tutorials after school which last around 15-20 minutes. It’s a simple, everyday conversation to ensure we’re on the same page about his schedule and the call lasts no more than 15 seconds. The vice principal approached my kid with a rather surprising statement: He could no longer call me from the school phone because, in her words, he was calling too often. Once a day? For a few seconds? It didn’t seem excessive at all.
The Vice Principal's Argument
Couple of days later, as it happened so, we had a scheduled call for my kid for another reason, and I decided to raise my concerns over this restriction. When asked, she explained that it’s essential for children to learn how to manage their time and schedule effectively. According to her, by not needing to call me, my child would develop more independence and responsibility. Instead, if necessary, my child could email me — even though I, like most parents, understand that emails are not the best tool for immediate communication.
Her idea was rooted in the belief that part of a child’s personal growth involves learning to plan ahead and make decisions without relying on others. She also suggested that a simple phone call was an unnecessary crutch that would hinder my child’s development.
What’s the Big Deal?
Her reasoning seems sound. I get it. It’s true that it elevate's child's senses and adds one more item in their bucket list, that is, to be responsible. It is an essential life skill. But when does a push for independence cross the line into making life unnecessarily difficult for both children and parents?
A daily phone call to ask about something as simple as pick-up times is hardly an unreasonable request. It wasn’t disrupting his learning or causing any problems, and it provided a sense of security for both my child and me.
Independence vs. Communication
While I agree with the broader picture of her reasoning, there has be a balance. We can’t expect children to survive middle/high school without a support system — and sometimes, that means staying in regular contact with us. Is a simple phone call once a day, a sign of weakness or dependency?
Moreover, the suggestion to use email instead is impractical. We do not check emails as often as phone calls. Emails are more like a Pull technology unlike phone calls which are a push technology. Specially when it comes to something as time-sensitive as your kid waiting outside school after an exhausting day,
While schools undoubtedly have a responsibility to encourage self-reliance, they also have a duty to understand and respect the realities of family life. Parents are often the first line of support, and simple communication, like a phone call, is part of that.
Conclusion
Ultimately, the incident with the vice principal made me reflect on the balance between independence and communication. In my opinion, the vice principal’s approach missed the mark by not considering the practical, everyday needs of students and their families. While I completely agree with the importance of fostering responsibility, sometimes a quick phone call is exactly what’s needed to make sure everyone’s on the same page.
As schools continue to encourage independence, they must also recognize that there are times when communication with parents is not just helpful, but necessary. My child’s personal growth is important, but so is making sure he knows that I’m always there to help with the small, everyday stuff, like picking him up from school.
So, am I the “asshole” for wanting to stay in touch with my child, or was the vice principal in the wrong for overstepping? I’ll let you be the judge.
